Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
