I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
