Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
