so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
being pregnant is like rehab
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
