I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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