I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
