Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
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I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
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Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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