I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
