My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
