Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
