Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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