I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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