having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Randomize
