Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
