I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
