Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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