Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
