you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
