Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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