I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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