hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Do vagina's smell?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
