I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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