Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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