He uses pillows to masturbate.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize