Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize