He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
