in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
