This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom