Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.