I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect