May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
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well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
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Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.