I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
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btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
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The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"