This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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