oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
