what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
