She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
