I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
