as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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