The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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