Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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