My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
