i think my tv is drunk
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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