new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
