My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
