I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
A bitchslap is in order.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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