hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
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We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
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Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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