i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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