in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
