see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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