Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
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It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
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We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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