I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
