I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He better not be in your backpack
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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