My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
