yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
