a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
