Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
