I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
