I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
