Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My vagina just recognized that song.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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