I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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