I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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