well I can't set my house on fire every night
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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