Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
