im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You've changed since you got that strap on
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
