Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just google imaged poop.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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