I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
