I looked at my own cervix.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
