Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
